So, as you’re getting to know this woman, be sure to keep the following in mind: Race is going to come up in any interracial coupling, but These are perfect examples of microaggressions.When you compliment a black woman in this way, you are implying that we are exceptions to the rule — the rule being that that black women are not attractive, intelligent, or posses any other positive attributes.And when these stereotypes are internalized and then manifested in society, it could have severe consequences.More often than not we are looked over for jobs, we do not receive adequate education or medical care, and we are imprisoned at much higher rates than our white counterparts all because blackness is rarely associated with positivity. Often, someone from a marginalized group is expected to be the authority on that group’s culture, but that’s an unreasonable expectation.So in order to combat the harmful stereotypying of our people, try to compliment us without the caveat! It’s assumed that that everyone belonging to that group thinks and behaves the same way, but that is never – – the case.When getting to know a black woman, don’t ask them to be the authority on black culture.Don’t ask us “Why do black people like or do _____?” You can’t expect one person to know all things black culture.
These include, but are not limited to, saying things such as “You’re [insert positive adjective] for a black girl! ” These may seem harmless to some, but they’re actually symptoms of deeper problems rooted in systematic oppressions that black women face daily.To be blunt: White guys, you often approach black women in a harmful way.Most white men are unaware of the microaggressions towards their black partner that make their chances for a second date slim to none.These are harmful stereotypes that will not only make your black partner uncomfortable, they will further marginalize them.You should want to date a person because you like who they are and have compatible views and interests, not because their race is the next thing to do on your bucket list or because you were enthralled by their “exotic ways” (honestly, are you doing an anthropological study on black culture? If you answered no to these questions and you think those assumptions on black womanhood are downright absurd (hint: they are), then perhaps you are well on your way to showing a black woman that you want to date a complete person and not a stereotype!He kept touching my hair without my consent, was legitimately disappointed that I could not twerk, and called me “sassy” whenever I voiced an opinion that was different from his.Unfortunately, that wasn’t the first or last awkward date I’ve had with a white man.So, in order to avoid some head and heartaches down the road for both parties, I’d like to offer white men some suggestions on how to best approach us.This won’t apply to every black woman, but it wouldn’t hurt to infuse some intersectional feminism into your game.White men have the privilege of not having to actively think about their intersections of race and gender, which is starkly different from black women’s realities.White men navigate society with relative ease while black women are teetering on the precarious margins of race and gender that they do not have the privilege to ignore.