A good laugh is like good sex: spontaneous and uninhibited and an act that unites two beings as one.It’s worth going out of your way to have a good laugh, especially if things have been rocky.It can feel easier to avoid being honest if we feel that could be hurtful, but it is only with honesty that trust is built, and trust is the essence of a good relationship. There are different qualities to sex at different stages in a long relationship: first, passion; the urgency of reproductive sex; snatched sex in the early years of parenthood; then the slower intimacy of midlife onwards.But our culture presents only one type as being valid: youthful, vigorous, usually penetrative.If you have managed to surf the ups and downs of bringing up children, work and making ends meet all within the same relationship, the rewards can be great.
It may not be as often, or the sort of sex that you think you should be having, or think others must be having (but aren’t) – just relax and enjoy this special kind of intimacy together.
We may carry the hurt from past relationships, so we protect ourselves by trying to appear in control.
Yet no relationship was ever deepened by lovers’ attempts to assert themselves over each other – rather, it is through the mutual exploration of their imperfections, fears and anxieties that true connection occurs. Change the metaphor that you associate with developing your relationship. “Work” feels heavy and makes us think of future struggles, whereas “playfulness” engages the things you associate with good times, childhood comforts and moments of spontaneity.
One of the more ridiculous myths about “true love” is the idea of the soulmate – that there is someone out there who is your perfect match.
A good relationship is about navigating the numerous differences between you – over politics, food, money, how to raise children.