It basically communicates, “I’m going to be quiet for a moment and let you tell me what matters to you.” Though simple, this is a profound shift. This is what the fight is really about, and getting to the core of the issue is the first step towards resolving it. ” which puts the burden of fulfilling said needs squarely on the other person. A woman may need her coworker to complete her fair share of work. If you don’t need anything from each other, there’s likely nothing to fight about in the first place.Beyond assuming that needs are involved in the relationship, this question is completely neutral. ” can save your relationship is that, imbedded in it, is a profoundly caring sentiment.We rounded up some of their most surprising insights below.A word of caution: If you notice that your relationship doesn't meet all these criteria, that does not necessarily mean you should end things with your partner.” Say it with the most compassionate tone you can muster and watch the magic unfold! Sometimes they're candlelit date nights, and walks through grassy meadows, and feeding each other cake at your wedding.
The next time you find yourself knee-deep in a messy fight, whip out “What do you need from me?
The psychologist who produced some of these findings, Eli Finkel, suggests that if you want to be happy in your marriage, it's best not to look to your partner for all your existential needs.
Finkel recommends finding yourself in hobbies, friends, and work as well.
A Psychology Today blog post breaks down four ways a man could respond after his wife tells him she got a promotion at work: An active-constructive response from him would be enthusiastic support: "That's great, honey!
I knew you could do it, you've been working so hard." A passive-constructive response would be understated support -- a warm smile and a simple "That's good news." An active-destructive response would be a statement that demeaned the event: "Does this mean you are going to be gone working even longer hours now? " Finally, a passive-destructive response would virtually ignore the good news: "Oh, really?