October 31, 2010 at pm (Dating, Dating Advice, Dating Issues) Practicing unhealthy emotional boundaries puts you more at risk for a pending bad relationship. In fact, they seek out vulnerable buyers because it’s much easier to con them into buying something they don’t really want.You may think that you are protecting yourself by avoiding potential dating partners. You wonder how you can possibly be vulnerable when you’ve encased your heart in a cast-iron box? You are spending a lot of energy protecting yourself.To give him credit, he probably doesn’t understand that’s what he’s doing on a conscious level.In his mind, he’s thinking that if he can make YOU emotionally available, then he proves to himself that he is indeed lovable. He just wants the personal satisfaction of breaking down your huge boundary as a means to dealing with his personal demons.He is just as emotionally broken and unavailable as you are.Only now, he managed to break down all your defenses, and you’ve fallen in love with him, while he’s already contemplating his next victim.Only bad or unsafe people are up to the challenge of breaking down your defenses.
Distance has a way of filtering out who’s really your friend and who turns out to be an acquaintance. We all strive for the day their number shows up on our caller id and we hit END without anxiety and fear that you’ll be sucked into hell again.
Allowing someone to go through each and every phase with you over time will help you establish healthy emotional relationships, and open you up to emotional availability. I probably would still be in a funk today several years later had I not moved to a new city, gotten a great job and started the dating plan my counselor put me on. I’m used to moving to new places and recreating a social life.
Let the program protect your heart, not cold hard metal. September 26, 2010 at pm (Dating Advice) Several women come to me right after they’ve broken up with someone they love. My last breakup lasted an entire year where I waffled between self-hatred and suicide on a daily basis. Why can’t he see that if only he’d understand my viewpoint then we’d live happily every after. I’m not the sort to wax nostalgic about moving back to Tulsa and missing all my buds there. A breakup is very similar to experiencing the death of a loved one.
That’s why you have to date as many men as you possibly can and view each of them not as a potential mate, but more as someone you’re practicing with. Remember there are five phases to a relationship: Wooing, Dating, Courtship, Engagement, and Marriage.
These phases are artificial boundaries that protect you emotionally.