“It’ll make you stop being such a judgmental bitch,” was how she put it.“You’ll have to be nice to people.” Online dating was, in my bitchy and judgmental estimation, for women who wanted to get married, stat, and were willing to settle for whatever turned up a few clicks away.Around this time two years ago, I created an online dating profile. I wasn’t opposed to dating, but I had exhausted the friends of friends category. She advised me that online dating probably wasn’t the path to a relationship, but it would get me out of my dating rut. I had a busy social life, a job I liked, smart friends, and a general aversion to committed relationships—and no incentive to clear the way for dudes. Then my friend Priscilla—an attractive, normal, and well-socialized young woman—signed up for Ok Cupid.Yes, women are socialized to believe that they need to look 18 forever and aging makes you ugly.Yes, men are aware that women are socialized thusly, and may conclude that it’s a compliment to say, “Wow, you look so young!I understand that mainstream pornography has led you to believe that any woman who says she’s bisexual is down to touch anyone’s genitals, anywhere, under any circumstances.In fact, I will not make out with another girl just to impress a stranger on the internet; nor will I tell you about the last time I had sex just so you can jerk off while we Ok Cupid chat. “I’m a nice guy.”What It Means: I think that holding the door for you obligates you to spread. You are such an internet stereotype, and yet you don’t stop proclaiming your Nice Guyness.
But an equally important component of the online dating game is sending visual cues to potential dates about what kind of person you are.
Of course, buffet-style dating strikes a lot of people as overly consumerist: You’re evaluating potential mates not based on any real-life connection, but on a set of characteristics they list on a website and a curated set of self-shots.
It can be limiting in that regard, but the little things can be significant.
Most online dating sites have a “what you’re looking for” section. Dudes who are positive that bitches be crazy are also dudes who are willing to write off anything you say as “insane” if it’s something they don’t want to hear.
If someone uses that section as an opportunity to vent about everything they hate, they are a bad-finder who will sniff out all of your faults. They’re convinced that much of the female population is mentally unstable because they have on occasion run into females who believe they are entitled to their own thoughts, opinions, and rights—and exercise the right not to be interested in No Crazies guy.