It’s best to make your phone a ‘no browse’ zone and the people in your life the ones most deserving of your attention.
As for Greg and Helena, they are still together – as a family lawyer, I always urge any potential client to first sit down with their partner and try to find some resolution.
1ADMIT YOUR MISTAKEOwn up to the fact that it is a form of cheating, says Relate’s Ammanda Major. You need to sit down quietly and talk.3 RESPECT THEIR VIEWAcknowledge that you have a different opinion when it comes to what has happened.
Your actions have created fear, anxiety and mistrust. While the guilty party may think it was harmless, the other clearly doesn’t.
I know she hadn’t physically been with another man but it was the secretive way it had gone on for months, and the fact that on some level she was looking for that kind of attention from someone else that I just couldn’t get over.’ As head of family law at a solicitors’ firm, I have become used to being handed computer printouts and hard drives packed with website screen-shots from clients who have been deeply wounded by their partner’s social-media activity There may well be some people who believe such behaviour, although regrettable, is hardly a reason to call time on a relationship. But it is, says Ammanda Major, head of service quality and clinical practice at marriage counselling service Relate.‘People do it behind their partner’s back, perhaps when bored, in need some comfort, or after a row with their partner,’ she says.‘So it is underhanded.
We are seeing so many people now whose relationships are in trouble because one of them has been browsing dating sites.
It can just be making the time to kiss and cuddle on the sofa – it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.I can’t help wondering if I’m the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with.’Of course the best way is not to look in the first place.But if you do get caught out, how can you salvage your relationship?Even if the browser says it was fun, or they had no intention of looking for sex, it is still a form of cheating.’While infidelity is as old as time itself, it is the emergence of dating apps including Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and Happn, which exist in the relative privacy of a smartphone rather than on, say, the family computer, that has become a real relationship hazard and given rise to Generation Swipe.According to a study by London firm Global Web Index, more than four in ten people who use Tinder are already in a relationship.The app, like many of its ilk, allows users to flick through hundreds of dating profiles – you simply swipe right if you like the look of someone, and left if you are not interested.If someone you have swiped right on has done the same with your profile, you are matched, allowing you to start sending each other messages.’After four months, she agreed to meet the man at a coffee shop. ‘When I called back the following day, it was a woman warning me to stay away from her husband. My husband could so easily have found out and that would have been the end of things.’Even though many women do not get caught out, the impact on their marriage can be long-lasting. But any responsible solicitor should always advise couples to try to find a way to reconcile their differences, perhaps through counselling or just talking to one another.Karen got a terrible shock when a friend rang her to say he had spotted her profile picture on Tinder.‘I’d signed up to the site because my husband works away a lot and I was just at home, fed up,’ she says. Equally it is important to remember that what you see online and what happens in reality are two different things. The reality of Generation Swipe and the inexorable slide towards divorce is fathomlessly painful.It was not an envelope stuffed with grainy photos of some seedy tryst.Instead, he had the very modern and very real equivalent: a screen-shot of his wife’s profile on a dating website.