It’s those differences that make life more interesting, as our lover opens up a whole new way of seeing or understanding the world.Enjoy what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be. Expecting someone to be everything you need and everything you are not is a recipe for disaster.We may carry the hurt from past relationships, so we protect ourselves by trying to appear in control.Yet no relationship was ever deepened by lovers’ attempts to assert themselves over each other – rather, it is through the mutual exploration of their imperfections, fears and anxieties that true connection occurs. Change the metaphor that you associate with developing your relationship. “Work” feels heavy and makes us think of future struggles, whereas “playfulness” engages the things you associate with good times, childhood comforts and moments of spontaneity.
But our culture presents only one type as being valid: youthful, vigorous, usually penetrative.
Ridiculing or humiliating each other is not a good idea, or a good omen.
But if you can both talk honestly about what irritates or upsets you and why, you are more likely to understand each other better.
One of the more ridiculous myths about “true love” is the idea of the soulmate – that there is someone out there who is your perfect match.
A good relationship is about navigating the numerous differences between you – over politics, food, money, how to raise children.